On Relapsing

"Part of recovery includes relapse. I dust myself off and keep moving forward." - Steven Adler

Anthony Robbins shares a story about a man who returned to him two years after Robbins helped him quit smoking. The man was furious and felt cheated because he had relapsed into smoking a year after the intervention. He blamed Robbins, expecting that overcoming an addiction should be a one-time fix. Is the fault with the client, the coach, or is addiction simply incurable?

Relapse, by definition, means to revert to a previous state after recovering. It’s a common phenomenon in addiction recovery, often viewed as the rule rather than the exception. From both personal experience and years of working with various behavioral challenges, I know that relapses are frequent and not necessarily a sign of failure.

Several factors contribute to relapse, whether it's related to substances like alcohol or drugs or other habits and behaviors. Psychological and situational pressures can build up unnoticed and eventually push someone back into old, destructive behaviors. Studies show that up to 80% of alcoholics relapse at least once before achieving long-term sobriety, and over 70% of those who quit smoking will return to it within a year. However, the good news is many people do eventually overcome their bad habits, as evidenced by the higher number of former smokers compared to current smokers in the United States.

Today’s perspective is to view relapse as a chance to learn and develop better coping strategies rather than seeing it as a complete failure. Addiction alters the brain's chemistry, and it takes time to return to a normal state. The challenge is that relapses often feel like a failure that negates previous efforts and damages self-esteem. Adopting an all-or-nothing mindset can turn a minor setback into a major disaster. Success typically involves multiple attempts and learning from feedback over time to identify and manage triggers.

Observations indicate that relapse is often triggered not by recent feelings but by emotions experienced in the moments or hours leading up to it. Developing emotional intelligence to recognize and address these emotions can help transform relapse from a defeat into a valuable learning experience. By understanding what might go wrong and making plans to counteract these triggers, you can improve your chances of long-term success. The key is to learn from each relapse and get better each time, making it a skill that improves with practice.

There is no magic cure for addiction. However, effective strategies are known: address the core issue, distance yourself from triggers, and adopt positive coping mechanisms. Daniel Goleman notes that relying solely on medication for conditions like depression or anxiety without training the mind can lead to relapse once the medication is stopped. Viewing relapses as learning experiences can strengthen your resolve and confidence. Celebrate each small victory and lesson learned, as these will accumulate and lead to greater success. How does that sound to you?